Poring over the list of BNP candidates hoping to become MPs in East Anglia it’s difficult not to come to the conclusion that at some point in what ever selection process the would-be parliamentarians underwent utter desperation set in, and the requirement that the hopefulls should at a minimum demonstrate an ability to walk and talk at the same time was dropped as an unattainable objective.
Star BNP clown is Dave Strickson. Dave, who hails from Grays in Essex, is one of those stalwart BNP bloggers who believes that a good BNP blog should be full of huge images and lots of music, perhaps to detract from the lack of any intelligent, or, indeed, discernible content. But it keeps Dave happy, and we’re all in favour of that.
Dave had been selected to stand for Peterborough, presumably because the local BNP had nobody else available who was the equal of his intellect, and Dave set about gathering the ten nominations required to put his name on the ballot paper.
Now we all know that to nominate a candidate each of the ten assentors signing the nomination papers must be on the electoral register. And it helps – because the law is very tetchy on the point – that they actually live in the constituency where the candidate intends to stand.
Unfortunately, Dave and Peterborough BNP seem to have had no idea of where the Peterborough constituency was, and somehow managed – as they say – to cock it up right royally by collecting eight of the required ten signatures from beyond the constituency boundaries, thus rendering his nomination invalid
The onus is on a prospective candidate to check that his or her nomination forms are valid before handing them in. Returning officers generally expect that anybody running for election is intelligent enough to know where they are standing, but in this case clearly reckoned without Dave and the BNP..
As usual when the BNP finds itself in a pickle of its own making, it blames somebody else, blissfully unaware that – as when in a hole you stop digging – when you’ve landed yourself in a pickle jar it’s a good idea to stop pouring on the vinegar.
Poor Dave, clutching his returned £500 deposit, whined to the local press: “Despite a last minute effort, we could not complete the re-signing of the forms within that time frame. We are extremely disappointed that the council left it to the last minute to inform us of this.”
Standing in Ipswich is Dennis Boater, who claims to study current affairs and promises that he will “ensure that Ipswich remains a British town” – which we are sure it will, unless some foreign power has fixed itself to annex eastern Suffolk or the place is in danger of being carted off to some distant shore.
“There will be no giant Mosque in Ipswich,” says Dennis, quickly adding that he will not lie to his electorate – and, strictly speaking, he didn’t, since there are no plans for a “giant Mosque” in Ipswich. Only those which exist in Dennis’s imagination.
The hopeful in South West Norfolk is another Dennis, Dennis Pearce. Dennis claims that among the “obvious” problems afflicting us are “shortages of energy, water and food”. We may be missing something, but it’s been quite a while since we last saw thirsting, starving people wandering the blacked out streets of Norfolk. In fact, water and food are pretty difficult to avoid in south west Norfolk, and somebody always seems to find a two-bob piece to feed the electric meter.
“The present Regime are only interested in grandstanding on the Global stage and continuing selling us down the river,” says Dennis, adding: “Our Policies are sustainable and put local people first,” without Telling us what those Policies are, or If he is having Treatment for his Random capitalisation Syndrome.
Quickly passing over Ramon Johns, standing in West Suffolk, who tells us that he has been married for over fifty five years “to the same wife”, we’ll continue on to Norwich North, scene of last summer’s disastrous BNP by-election performance, when the party’s bogus vicar of the parish of nowhere in particular, the “Reverend” Robert West, was abandoned by his Maker (and the BNP), and thoroughly trounced, taking only 2.7% of the vote.
Trying his luck in Norwich North this time is Tom Richardson, who appears to believe that such things as “burglary, violence, graffiti etc.,” are “local events”. Norwich is an odd sort of place, so it is just possible that “burglary, violence, graffiti etc.,” appear on the Friday listings page of the Evening News – “Burglary, Thorpe Hamlet, 8pm. £5 on the door. Come early to avoid disappointment.”
Bordering Norwich North is the new constituency of Broadland, a very large and sprawling constituency – as it has to be, to contain the large and sprawling idiocy of its BNP candidate.
We’ve met Edith Crowther on many occasions at this website, usually as a result of her inability to keep her dafter thoughts to herself. Railing against food imports she tells us: “Small farms are vital and ought to be fairly prosperous if Right Livelihood was our goal.”
You’d better Google that. We’re none the wiser, and Edith doesn’t expand on it. Perhaps its better that way.
“Norfolk people say scornfully ‘The gannets are gathering’,” says Edith, who is a newcomer to Norfolk, “as council after council gets into bed with developers.”
Well, I’m Norfolk born and bred, and I’ve never heard anybody use that expression, scornfully or otherwise – but never mind, let’s press on:
“Leaving aside the global picture, all over England in both towns and villages, sprawling housing development has created hundreds of thousands of people totally dependent on their cars, and on not getting too old to drive.”
Experienced, as I am, in negotiating my way along the twisted and tortured by-ways of BNP grammar, I must confess that has flummoxed even me. Now if I’m reading this correctly, Edith appears to be saying that people should be dependent on getting too old to drive, rather than remaining dependent on their cars.
Or something like that.
Perhaps it’s something to do with Right Livelihood.
Anyway, at this point Edith’s musings take a sinister turn. Read this carefully:
But it is worse than that: the smallest break in the supply chain will bring the whole lot down like a pack of cards, because multiple dependencies are being created including a total dependency on cheap migrant labour. Only the BNP is even contemplating how to deal with this – we make no promises, and certainly no empty promises, but at least we will be ready to step in if the worst comes to the worst. Don’t forget – the troops will all be back home, when we are in charge.
Did you read what I just read?
Let’s go over that again, so that we can be quite certain: “… we will be ready to step in if the worst comes to the worst. Don’t forget – the troops will all be back home, when we are in charge.”
There isn’t much doubt at all, is there?
And at this point we end this whistle-stop tour of the best the BNP has to offer in East Anglia, largely because there is only so much stupidity one can take in at a single sitting – but we’ll be back with more very soon on the people who want to run the country but couldn’t find a whole constituency.
By Denise Garside (abetted by Atreus)